A longstanding practice of Cleveland city officials has been the recruitment of lackluster out-of-state blowhards to run our public institutions. Normally, it is difficult to find any good in these instances except in the case of Eliot Ness’ tenure as Cleveland Public Safety Director. Following a few minor achievements Ness eventually succumbed to his long-standing passion for distilled spirits and loose women and was relieved of his duties in Cleveland.

It was this love of Cleveland women that inspired Ness to author one the most moving and heartfelt public health pamphlets of the 20th century. While working as Director, Social Protection Division, Office of Community War Services, Federal Security Agency in Washington D.C. Ness authored What About Girls? This masterpiece, in short, was meant to warn American servicemen about the effects of Syphilis on our Nation’s warfighting efforts.

Instead of quoting the text’s absurdities and embellishing them with SGS witticisms we have chosen to reproduce the entire pamphlet for your reading pleasure. If you never had the pleasure of experiencing syphilitic dementia on the battlefield then please take the time to read What About Girls? by Eliot Ness.

Link to .pdf version of What About Girls by Eliot Ness.

The original Cow Shed restaurant was located at 1013 Chester Ave. The restaurant was famous for having two wooden cow heads sticking out of the front windows.  To check out a postcard that shows the restaurant click here. The restaurant eventually relocated and kicked up the tempo notch by offering steak and exotic dancing under the same roof. This July, 1946 ad was found in an entertainment weekly called Cleveland Prevue of the Week.  The ad also shows that a young but poor old Johnny Ray was featured at the club.

3438 West 25th St. Cleveland, OH

If you live on the west side of Cleveland then you know that summer Sunday wrestling at the Dollar Paradise parking lot is not to be missed. Somalis, Palestinians, White and Black Americans meet for a day of West Side Grand Guignol. The stories follow a narrative that resonates with the local audience; they chant along with each plot twist as if it was a reenactment of their dreams. These plays offer liberation from the burdens of life. They are an unregulated form entertainment that is fresh, horrific, misunderstood, yet open to everyone. These are the essential elements of progressive modern theater and it is alive and well on West 65th street.

See also: SGS vs Wrestling Alliance

The Sam Klein Cigar Co. located on the ground floor of the Leader Building has been in existence since the late 1920’s. Klein Cigar along with Moriarty’s Pub are the last remaining establishments from the heyday of Short Vincent and East 6th. Marvin Goldstein owned and operated Klein Cigar from 1962 to 1998. In a Plain Dealer story from May 1998, Mr. Goldstein’s daughter Bonnie Boice recalled that, “[her] father and mother had that store open at 7:30 every single morning except Sundays”, and also that “Mayor Carl Stokes was a regular visitor to the store.”

Although Goldstein sold the store in 1998, city residents and daily commuters still file in and out of this cigar shop to buy lottery tickets and salted snacks. The current owners have kept up the tradition of Klein’s being more than just another cookie cutter convenience store. Even from streetside it is obvious that Klein Cigar has been lovingly maintained; most of its original art-deco brilliance is still visible today.

On almost any day you can hear locals conversing about subjects ranging from local politics, sports, or the absurdity of lottery ticket and cigarette price points. The picture above is a perfect example of the state of Klein Cigar today. The seemingly always smiling Khushi and downtown Cleveland fixture Georgie have just wrapped up a friendly debate over the correct value of Fantastic 5’s top prize.

Music: Pinkys Up –> Doxxicotton Mixtape –> Doxx

The Continental Theatre was located at 13931 Euclid Ave. The theatre originally opened in the 1920’s as the Windermere, but later became the Continental Art Theatre in the 50’s.  In the early 70’s the theatre showed blaxploitation and porn films before finally shutting down in 1974. SGS has compiled a few movie ads from the Continental that covers its history from Godard to Russ Meyer.  To take a look check out this link.

Ambassador Parking at 1500 Superior Ave. is by far the best parking facility in downtown Cleveland. Unlike the barren lots that litter the downtown landscape, staffed only by Automated Parking Systems (APS), Ambassador offers affordable indoor parking with a personal touch.

As all downtown parkers know the experience is lifeless and forgettable. Serendipity for the average Cleveland motorist comes in the form of a rate hike for “special events.” Since Ambassador customers are locked into the affordable monthly fee of $95, the only random experience they are exposed to is the wonderful conversation offered by the parking attendants.

Ron (pictured above) and his dapper dressing coworker (not pictured) are skilled conversationalist whose watchful eyes add an extra level of comfort to the parking experience. Both gentlemen live within a stones throw of the Ambassador and love to interact with passersby. After two years of parking at the Ambassador, SGS cannot remember one day when either man was absent. They are a soothing constant in a city short on pleasantries.

If you are in need of parking and want to hand your money to a friendly face, please consider Ambassador Parking, you won’t regret it.

For further reading see Public Parking by Carsten Meier.

If you are looking for the most visually dynamic corner in Cleveland then make and effort to stop by Biggie’s on East 55th and Cedar.

As interesting as the signs on the outside of Biggie’s are the employees inside. It may be hard for some to believe but the staff at Biggie’s is a welcoming lot who love to meet new people.

The sketch above was drawn by Harry Bell. Mr. Bell has been the resident artist at Biggie’s for as long as we can remember. To see a small selection of Mr. Bell’s work please click here.

Venture within your city … visit Biggie’s.